Should have been titled "The Family That Preys", but Tyler Perry already took it...
There's a reason this movie was sitting on a shelf for the last year and a half after premiering at Tribeca 2007: it's unfit for consumption. Randall Miller is having quite a year for himself between this and Bottle Shock, having twice attempted to deep-six what's left of Alan Rickman's career.
Grade:
Writing - 5
Acting - 7
Production - 8
Emotional Impact - 5
Music - 3
Social Significance - 3
Total: 31/50= 62% = D
Maybe two years ago, my brother was telling me about one of the best books he'd ever read. I'd never heard of "Blindness", the novel by Portuguese author José Saramago, but it sounded pretty amazing. Ironically, both of us were disappointed when we soon learned it was going to be adapted into a movie - he out of concern that it wouldn't do justice to the book, and me out of horror after discovering it would star Julianne Moore in the lead role. It takes maybe seven positive elements to get me to a movie starring her these days, and Blindness had five: Mark Ruffalo (Reservation Road), Alice Braga (Redbelt), Gael Garcia Bernal (Babel), Fernando Meirelles, and an exotic shooting location (Montevideo and São Paulo). Five is close enough, I figured - quite incorrectly.
Soon into this movie, I did indeed become overwhelmed with fear of going blind, mostly because I realized that if it got any worse I wouldn't be able to safely flee the theater. Easily one of the worst movies I've seen all year, Fernando Meirelles' Blindness can only be a total nightmare for fans of the book and a complete shock to everyone else. How could such an interesting concept go so horribly wrong?
The title isn't too creative, but it's about as descriptive as it needs to be. One by one, everyone in the world suddenly and mysteriously loses their eyesight. Called the "white sickness" (those who suffer from it only see constant white light), the condition causes a SARS-like panic among the public, and the first major group of victims (all of whom are nameless) is quarantined in an abandoned hospital, or dorm, or factory - whatever that was. An eye doctor (Ruffalo) is one of these early victims, and for reasons unexplained, his wife (Moore) is the one person in the world who is immune to the "infection".
The majority of the movie takes place in the three wards of this asylum, where we witness what amounts to a crazy social experiment reminiscent of "Lord of the Flies". All cultural norms gradually erode away as blind groups in the wards turn on each other in a desperate attempt to stay alive. It's a situation that just oozes potential for studies in leadership, morality, responsibility, and the degradation of human culture, but we're left seeing decaying limbs, human waste, and fat, naked bodies. In easily the most disturbing scene of the movie, an African-American male (an interesting casting note?) from the violent, ruling ward punches a woman to death while raping her. Any remnants of hope I had for mankind were completely dashed when this scene evoked laughs in the audience. This world is over.
In between the disgusting imagery and bad acting throughout the majority of Blindness, we actually don't see much at all. Meirelles does his best to convince us that we're actually going blind, manipulatively using blurred focus, mixed-scene editing, washed-out lighting and, in one overlong scene, a completely black screen backed by exaggerated sound effects. None of this worked, of course, but that dark scene did satisfy my curiosity about whether the movie would be better if I simply closed my eyes (it wasn't). When the group anticlimactically reenters society, Meirelles switches gears, somehow downshifting from a terrible suspense thriller to a senseless horror flick with the comically animalistic human behavior seen in Dawn of the Dead and other recent zombie movies. We're even graced with a topless shower scene, one of many gratuitously "dramatic" moments Meirelles tosses in just to remind us that he's taking this seriously. Sound familiar? M. Night Shyamalan employed the same tactic to disastrous effect in The Happening, a movie which Meirelles should be thankful already firmly holds the title of worst movie of 2008.
[Agh, I've been sitting here for 15 minutes unsuccessfully trying to caption this PERFECT picture with a wicked description! Share yours in the comments...]
What's more surprising? That I made it through this entire movie, or that I still have hope for the future projects of Fernando Meirelles? It would take a lot more than one bad movie - even one as horrendous as Blindness - to cancel out the brilliance of City of God, and there was more than enough potential in The Constant Gardener and this year's overlooked City of Men to keep faith that Meirelles still has talent and artistic vision to spare. This was just a case of a filmmaker completely inhabiting his own picture, from the awkwardly-used cinematography to the carefully constructed deserted city, which in my opinion looked much more realistic in I Am Legend, Children of Men, and even a movie like Vanilla Sky. When every piece of trash and every burning car is perfectly placed in each scene, what is actually a real city location begins to look way too much like a set. Whatever - this is obviously the least among the problems found in Blindness. As it is, you'll be wasting the eyesight that you may still have in sitting through this movie. Your vision (and your hard-earned money) would be much better spent on this year's uplifting Blindsight.
Grade:
Writing - 5
Acting - 6
Production - 6
Emotional Impact - 4
Music - 5
Social Significance - 5
Total: 31/50= 62% = D
Background: In this post-award season of Hollywood fluff, studios dump as many shelved films as they can into the mainstream. Occasionally I venture to the multiplex to see what the temperature is, as I did yesterday afternoon with Jumper, an adaptation of Steven Gould's 1992 novel by the same name. Directed by Doug Liman (Swingers, Go, The Bourne Identity), Jumper stars Hayden Christensen (Star Wars..., Shattered Glass), Samuel L. Jackson (Black Snake Moan, Snakes on a Plane), Rachel Bilson ("The O.C.") and Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot). Based on the premise, the marketing, and the stars, Jumper appears to be simply an excuse to make a video game in the future. Oh, it's already done? Huh.
Synopsis: David Rice (Christensen) discovers during his adolescence that he is a "jumper" - he can teleport anywhere, any time. Naturally he spends his time robbing banks, cavorting with women around the world and scoffing at newscasts of people suffering ("but no one can get to them," moans the news anchor). In short, he's a jerk - he knows it, and so do we. Eventually Roland Cox (Jackson), leader of the "Paladins" (mortal enemies of jumpers since ancient times), tracks down Rice, who meanwhile has inexplicably decided to court his childhood crush, Millie (Bilson). While in Rome with Millie, Rice meets Griffin (Bell), another jumper who is obsessed with killing Paladins and who has numerous hand-drawn sketches of Roland Cox on the walls of his "lair" in the middle of some desert. Rice and Griffin spend a really awkward 20 minutes flirting with each other while walking and driving through Tokyo (why was Griffin so desperate to go there again?). Rice is trying to persuade Griffin to agree to some juvenile superhero pact that will allow them to go after Roland Cox together. Griffin finally agrees, and the last 10 minutes are a painfully cliched mess (girl in danger, boy down but not out, boy finds incredible strength, saves girl, bad guy outfoxed, sequel foreshadowed).
I Loved:
+ The on-location filming in several locales - NYC, Italy, Egypt, Japan, France, and...Michigan.
I Liked:
+ Jamie Bell, for about two seconds when I could imagine him in any other movie.
I Disliked:
- Samuel L. Jackson's ridiculous hair-do. Does this guy really need a silly look for every role?
- The waste of Diane Lane - we see her in photographs more than in person.
- Hayden Christensen - good grief, get a personality and get out of sci-fi movies. Stick with roles like Life as a House and Shattered Glass, if you're going to do anything at all.
I Hated:
- The meaningless plot - what is this "war" about and how has it remained under wraps since "medieval times"? (And on that note, has no one in history ever asked, "Where did you just come from?")
- The stomach-churning cinematography - why vigorously shake the camera when a character is just standing in place doing nothing? Oh yeah, it adds "realism," because we all live in a perpetual earthquake.
Grade:
Writing - 4
Acting - 5
Production - 7
Emotional Impact - 4
Music - 5
Significance - 1
Total: 26/50= 52% = F
Last Word: I started grading this and just couldn't find low enough marks. Across the board, Jumper is an entirely lackluster, highly obnoxious production that doesn't even try to make up for its lack of characters. Oh, there are people "acting," but it would be a stretch to say that any of them have a personality or interesting quirk of any kind (OK, so some of them can teleport, but that becomes less and less interesting when you learn they aren't actually going anywhere with any kind of purpose). Between unnecessary close-ups and nauseating camera work, we're subject to offensive dialogue (it's not profane, just idiotic) and a confusing-yet-somehow-familiar plot. Doug Liman seems to be trying to launch his own Bourne trilogy here, but without Matt Damon, cool action, and a plot, it's going to be a difficult task. I really had some hopes for Jumper, if for no other reason than as a trip around the world, which is about the only thing it does moderately well (but Hayden Christensen eating a sub sandwich on top of the Sphinx?). Fanboys I'm sure will defend this through its trilogy, but as a newcomer to the story I am utterly disappointed. Yet another example of a relatively cool idea messed up with romance, jerks for characters, and cliched plot elements. Save the trip - you'll wish you could teleport out of the theater.
Background: Director Richard Kelly’s breakthrough film, at age 26, was also his first feature: the cult classic Donnie Darko, which made a star out of Jake Gyllenhaal. As he also did for Darko, Kelly wrote his long-awaited second film, Southland Tales, which is part of a six-chapter story – the first three chapters in graphic novel form, the last three chapters in the movie. Kelly has moved away from a character-driven story this time, as seen by the sheer numbers of stars in the cast. And by stars I mean pop stars, not necessarily actors – consider Mandy Moore, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Justin Timberlake, and SNL’s Cheri Oteri and Amy Poehler. You'll recognize almost every single character from something - seriously, everybody from Jon Laroquette to Vizzini from The Princess Bride to Booger from Revenge of the Nerds to Christopher Lambert, none other than Highlander himself. Despite the high wattage names and cult favorite director, however, Southland Tales was totally and unabashedly rejected at the 2006 Cannes Film Festival, drawing boos, jeers, and the lowest scores given by voters. Despite this, Sony picked it up and reworked it with Kelly for what they hope is a better popular reception from his devoted fans.Synopsis: (First, know that this movie has deservedly been labeled "unsynopsizable." I'll do my best.) In July 2005, Abilene, TX is the site of the first nuclear attack on America. Timberlake's character narrates a montage of what happens in the post-apocalyptic U.S. over the next three years - security crackdowns, closed borders, government surveillance, etc. The story picks up in July 2008 in what used to be L.A. but is now called the "Southland." As the country is preparing for the 2008 presidential election, a famous actor (The Rock) has been kidnapped and is cavorting around Venice Beach with "neo-Marxists" (Oteri, Poehler) and a porn star (Gellar). Two Iraq veteran buddies (Timberlake and Seann William Scott, a.k.a., Stifler) are dealing with their own issues - psychosis/drug addiction and amnesia, respectively. A weird German doctor has developed a new form of energy called Liquid Karma off the Santa Monica pier, and the U.S. government has some kind of Big Brother surveillance program monitoring everything. A corrupt police officer (Jon Lovitz), a crazed ice cream truck driver (Lambert), and a bald pimp (Mad TV's Will Sasso) float in and out. Throw in about 20 more characters and 20 more storylines, and you're about there, but don't forget a lot of cryptic dialogue about the end of the world. The finale brings us to election day on July 4th (uh?) in downtown L.A., where the inaugural launch of a Liquid Karma-fueled blimp is threatened by a do-rag-wearing white kid with a rocket launcher standing on top of the supernaturally floating ice cream truck, inside of which the neo-Marxist/Iraq veteran/Hermosa Beach cop (Scott) is trying to talk his clone (from another dimension) out of committing suicide. Have I left anything out? Yes, a lot.
I Loved:
+ Richard Kelly's ambition - it was kind of a cool idea, and it looked real slick.
I Liked:
+ The delayed reflection in the mirror scene.
I Disliked:
- Lou Taylor Pucci (from Thumbsucker) as a bizarre wannabe gangster/army recruit.
- The predictable opening explosion - hmm, idyllic neighborhood home video...what could possibly happen?
- Bai Ling as...I don't even know what her character was supposed to be. Same goes for Kevin Smith and about 10 other people.
I Hated:
- Mandy Moore's screen time.
- The outrageously misplaced music video for The Killers' "All These Things That I've Done."
- The Rock's finger fiddling - drove...me...crazy.
- Justin Timberlake's smirk - why was he always on the news, anyway?
- So much more, but what I've listed is what comes to mind first.
Grade:
Writing - 5
Acting - 6
Production - 5
Emotional Impact - 7
Music - 5
Significance - 4
Total: 33/50= 66% = D
Last Word: Uggh. Southland Tales was just a complete mess, and a huge disappointment. It was ambitious, yes, unique, sure. Does that alone deserve my praise? I'm afraid not. I can't believe Richard Kelly was so surprised at the boos he received at Cannes. It just proves that he thought his outrageous plot and absurd characters were going to be unconditionally loved - just because they were outrageous and absurd! Sorry, bud. Parading around a bunch of D-list stars with ridiculous character names and no plot may have sounded like a good idea, but whatever he had in his mind completely got away from him. I don't think I "didn't get it," and I don't think the director's cut will tie any loose ends, but probably create more. If he was trying to be David Lynch he should have been a lot darker and creepier. Otherwise, stick with your strength - a character-driven story. Yes, Donnie Darko was completely bizarre as well, but at least the focus was on one person in one place at (almost) one time. And it was great. Unfortunately, Kelly bit off a lot more than he could chew with Southland Tales, and he's now officially 1/2. I'll see his next film only because he's proven he can make a great one, but I'm going to be reeaaly wary.
Background: Yet another installment in this season's "post-9/11 America/War in Iraq/War on Terror" series, Gavin Hood's Rendition stars Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, Brokeback Mountain), Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line), Peter Sarsgaard (Kinsey), Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine), and Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada). Hood, a South African who deservedly won an Oscar for writing and directing Best Foreign Feature Tsotsi in 2006, is currently working on the next X-Men sequel. Quite a Hollywoodized career arc if you ask me. Rendition was partially filmed in Morocco and Cape Town, the latter only because Hood probably wanted to stay home for as much of the production as possible, since there was no other reason for the opening scene in Rendition to be filmed there, let alone even set there.
Synopsis: Douglas Freeman (Gyllenhaal) is a rookie CIA analyst in "North Africa" who drinks too much and cares too little. When he has a near-miss with a suicide bombing, he is assigned to observe the interrogation of suspect Anwar El-Ibrahimi (Omar Metwally from Munich), an Egyptian-born American immigrant who is husband to "Izzie" (Witherspoon) and dad to Jeremy ("Jeremy El-Ibrahimi"?). El-Ibrahimi was detained upon arrival at Dulles Airport and, under orders of "extraordinary rendition" from CIA higher-up Corinne Whitman, (Streep) shipped off to a secret detention facility/torture dungeon in "North Africa." The local authorities are in charge of the interrogation, allowing Freeman only to look bored/uncomfortable during the torture sessions (and throughout the movie). In the meantime, super-pregnant Izzie desperately runs around D.C. trying to find information on what happened to her husband. Conveniently, her ex-boyfriend Alan (Sarsgaard) is a staffer for a U.S. Senator (Arkin), and eventually Izzie gets the opportunity to confront the ice-cold Whitman and scream at her for a couple of minutes. Back in "North Africa," Freeman is trying to expedite the interrogation, and his local counterpart is busy dealing with his teenage daughter Fatima, who is dating Khalid, an impressionable young "North African" who has extremist tendencies and is the doppelganger of actor James Franco. The plot speeds up here as all of the characters become desperate to finish the movie, and an odd time warp brings us back to the beginning, where we see the suicide bombing all over again. Some new details emerge and we're left with a predictable made-for-bad-TV ending.
I Loved:
+ Nothing.
I Liked:
+ Peter Sarsgaard's short screen time - his scene with Streep, second scene with Arkin, and second scene with Witherspoon.
I Disliked:
- That the identity of the country was deliberately ambiguous, and poorly hidden at that. We learn it's Tunis, Tunisia from Douglas Freeman's Interpol search.
- The gratuitous shots of Washington D.C. in the background of every scene. Izzie has the master hotel suite with the perfect view of the capitol? Doubt it.
- That it looked like it was filmed on a really bad set - dark, wet alleys; cliched torture dungeon; quaint city square in "North Africa," etc.
- The silly subplot about the "North African" interrogator's daughter Fatima - a total waste of time.
- The silly subplot about Douglas Freeman's lover/girlfriend - what was the point of that?
I Hated:
- The time warp - another unnecessary Hollywood gimmick that had no place here.
- The neatly wrapped, very predictable ending.
- Fatima's discovery of Khalid's delicately crafted and totally bizarre scrapbook.
- The stereotypical Islam = terrorism theme, capped off with the exaggerated locker-room speech about killing Americans. Anyone with a middle school (which I taught) knowledge of Islam should bristle at how it's misconstrued here, but we're so used to it we don't even notice anymore.
Grade:
Writing - 5
Acting - 7
Production - 6
Emotional Impact - 6
Music - 5
Significance - 5
Total: 34/50= 68% = D
Last Word: Boy, this got worse really quickly after I started thinking about it. Between painful cliches, a convoluted story and bad acting, I really can't understand how Rendition was so well received, aside from the fact that it's the first movie to deal with extraordinary rendition. But the subplots and unnecessary characters really get in the way of what could have been an extremely significant, moving film. I'm not sure what Gavin Hood's motivations are, but this kind of mainstream/fast-food filmmaking is not his strength. Stick with a character-driven story like Tsotsi, which had important lessons and a simple plot, without all of the stereotypical characters and bizarre scenes. Maybe it was the writer's fault, whose only writing credit prior to Rendition was a comedy musical about drag queens. I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned somewhere in that fact, but a general rule we seem to be learning is to not make films about extremely complex global issues as they are happening. Like Matt said after we left this, the best movies about Vietnam, for example, came out several years after everything was over. You need perspective to understand how to make meaningful films about these subjects, but Hollywood is just rushing to make sensational fluff like Rendition and The Kingdom. Since the trend will presumably continue, here's hoping for at least a more thoughtful movie in the near future.
Background: The first of many films this fall exploring post 9/11 America (and the "War on Terror," and Iraq), The Kingdom looks to be the most action-packed. Jamie Foxx is apparently having a lot of fun with military/police roles, having just starred in Jarhead, Stealth, and Miami Vice after winning his Oscar for Ray. I don't know why he gave up on his excellence in supporting roles like Collateral and Ali. Jennifer Garner continues to have the poutiest face in Hollywood, and Chris Cooper - well you never know where you're going to see him. Directed by Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights), The Kingdom was filmed in Arizona and Abu Dhabi, since of course there is no way a U.S. film crew would be allowed into Saudi Arabia, much less to film a movie about killing Saudis.
Synopsis: After a (completely predictable) suicide bombing at a U.S. base in Saudi Arabia, a team of 4 FBI specialists sneaks off to "The Kingdom" to exact revenge on suspected terrorist mastermind Abu Hamza. The team, led by Agent Ronald Fleury (Foxx), has strict orders to obey their Saudi counterparts and not touch anything, both of which they obviously ignore. They comb the bombing scene, examine bodies, and generally berate the Saudi police for their mishandling of the case, none of which matters of course, since Abu Hamza is their prime target before they even leave the U.S. So doors are kicked in, car bombs are detonated, Islamic sects are name-dropped, and bullets and RPGs are launched through the streets. A final, predictable shootout brings the whole thing back to where it started: Americans and Saudis promising to kill each other.
I Loved:
+ Umm...
I Liked:
+ The last lines of dialogue - the only meaningful words said in the movie.
+ The idea of the artistic opening historical montage on U.S. - Saudi relations.
I Disliked:
- The way too artistic, way too fast, way too confusing opening historical montage on U.S. - Saudi relations - maybe I don't watch enough MTV to train my reflexes, but was there any point to this?
- The titles flashed on the screen to introduce every character - totally unnecessary gimmick, I suspect an idea taken from bad TV shows.
- Jeremy Piven as an unnecessary character with annoying lines and an awful make-up job.
I Hated:
- The predictability of Al Ghazi's death - did you really think a Saudi was going to be spared in this hyperpatriotic movie?
- Jennifer Garner - dresses like a 14 year-old, acts like a 3 year-old, and talks like a kindergarten teacher. Oh, and displays a sweet maternal instinct (with full-on pouting) as she graciously gives a Dum-Dum to a little girl less than a minute after jamming a knife into the back of someone's head.
- The usual cliches: awful writing (e.g., scene with Jamie Foxx in his son's class), impossible shootouts, and an unbearably obnoxious "funny guy" (Jason Bateman).
Grade:
Writing - 5
Acting - 5
Production - 7
Emotional Impact - 6
Music - 5
Significance - 5
Total: 33/50= 66% = D
Last Word: As much as I expected more from The Kingdom based on its basic premise, it's clear within the first few minutes that it's a meathead action movie for Americans who love seeing Americans run roughshod over anything in their path. The final words about the pattern of killing caught me off guard - until then the entire movie seemed to be celebrating the "War on Terror." Of course, that last bit of dialogue could also be interpreted as a battle cry for the "War on Terror." In any case, the movie is not in any way intelligent enough to create a meaningful conversation about terrorism or Saudi Arabia. It could have, but Peter Berg's patriotic action fantasies get in the way. All I saw were Americans, specialists in everything (of course), walking into Riyadh like they owned the place and using our favorite tactic in any conflict: chaotic brute force. I don't know, I've never seen 24, but I have a feeling this is how people enjoy watching the U.S. deal with terrorists. It's just too bad The Kingdom couldn't taken itself seriously enough to offer any new ideas.
UPDATE: After seeing Rendition, I had to downgrade this awful film even more, from a C- to a D.
